For me it's been discovery, not recovery

     I had my introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous on May 3rd 1991 as I sat in the detox ward of a hospital in Watertown NY.  As my world was collapsing around me, I read with some interest the AA literature which was filled with hope for desperate types like me.  If I could admit that I was powerless over alcohol and could come to believe in a power greater than myself, I would be able to begin my recovery. 
     Until recently I hadn't given much thought to the word recovery.  It is the word used by AA and most every I know when describing the journey from addiction to clean and sober living.  And before I go any further, I'd like to publicly thank the AA movement and those fine men and women in it who reached out caring hands to help me as I started out and who continue to try and help " the alcoholic who still suffers."
      I would also like to state without reservation that the power greater than myself that I've come to believe in is Jesus Christ.  It is by His power and kindness that keeps me sober on a daily basis.  He does for me what I cannot do on my own.
      I believe that this knowledge of divine intervention is the reason I have come to struggle with the concept of post addiction life being known as recovery.  To describe my life today as one of recovery is just not accurate.  I consulted Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary to check the definitions of the words in question. Recovery is defined as " to bring back to normal position or condition. "  There's the problem: how can one be brought back to normal condition when you have no " normal " to go back to.  You see, I was alcoholic in behavior long before I drank.  Adding booze only brought out more ugliness in my character.  To say I was in " recovery " just because I stopped drinking doesn't tell the real story.  It certainly was wonderful to feel so much better physically, to begin to earn the trust of loved ones and to realize that I was not at the very center of the universe!  This was not recovery but rather  the beginning of discovery.
     Discovery.  Let's go back to Webster and see what its got to say about that.  Discover: to obtain sight or knowledge of for the first time.  This is by far a better description of living life without alcohol.  I have been, from those earliest days of not drinking right up until now, obtaining knowledge of things for the very first time.  Be it in the areas of personal relationships or learning how to be valuable asset to an employer, this life of discovery has been quite a ride.  There certainly have been some ups and downs, but I have discovered that both the good and not so good can be learned from.
     AA taught me to look for a power greater than myself to help me with my addiction.  This has led to the greatest discovery of all.  I have discovered that the Creator of the universe cares for me in the most wonderful way.  He yearns for me to be in a loving relationship with him.  He proved the depth of his love for me by sending his son, Jesus, to die in my place for my sins.  He proved it again  by keeping me sober today.  He keeps no scorecard of my past transgressions.  He only wants me to discover more and more of him.
     Scripture says that God's mercies are new every morning.  I discovered that again today.  I can hardly wait to see what I can discover tomorrow.

How loving my dog has helped me to understand God's love

     Our dog Chip is nearly 12.  We have had him since he was six weeks old.  I think it is safe to say I have loved him from day one.  That's really quite a statement, because Chip isn't the easiest dog to love.  He certainly doesn't fit my description of the perfect dog.  To me a dog should large, slow moving and lets face it, dumb.  Chip is none of these things.  He is a Cairn terrier/toy poodle mix.  He is small,  moves like a water bug and is the smartest dog I have ever known.  Not exactly my vision for the family pet; but I love him.
     As a puppy Chip presented some interesting challenges not the least of which was teaching him how to walk while on a lease.  Instead of walking at our side or even straining at the end of his lease, Chip would run continuous circles around us leading to much tangling of limbs and small children.  No matter how embarrassed I was by these public displays however, I loved him.                                                                        As Chip settled into our family it became apparent that he was a one person dog and that person was my wife, Betsy.  He watched her every move and would go to any room she was in without fail, including the bathroom.  I believe his attitude toward me could best be described as indifferent.  No matter, I loved him anyway.                                                                                                                                                                To look at Chip now as he nears his 12th birthday, he quite honestly is not an attractive animal.  He has lost a significant amount of his fur and his breath should be harvested for use  as some kind of fuel.  No, there's nothing my eyes tell that I should enamored with, but I still love him just as he is.                                           There's the secret to understanding God's love.  He loves us just as we are.  As I thought about my relationship with Chip the parallels were so easy to see.                                                                                          When I was young I too was hard to train, if you will.  There were plenty of mishaps and mayhem left in my wake.  God loved me anyway.                                                                                                                            As I grew into adulthood it became apparent that my heart was set on one thing, and it sure wasn't God.  I believe my attitude toward Him could have best been summed up as indifferent.  But you know what, He loved me then just as much as He does know.                                                                                                      You see it's not about how good we look as we go about our lives.  We don't have to look good to look good to God.  He loves us.  It's that simple.  The Bible says that God is love(1 John 4:8).  He offers His love equally to all.  He poured it out completely through the blood of His son, Jesus Christ.                                                           Love, that is God's love, is as deep and pure as it is simple.  Thanks for the help Chip.                                       

Some Thoughts on the World Series and of Salvation

     As a fifty year old San Francisco Giants fan, winning the World Series of 2010 was a first time experience for me.  I became a fan because my Dad was and have since passed on the love of baseball and of the Giants to my son.  Watching a championship for my team was not new to me however.  As a fan of the Montreal Canadiens it seemed as though I got to watch them win the Stanley Cup every year growing up.  Even the NY Football Giants have now captured three Super Bowl titles.  As thrilling as each of these victories were, I always assumed they would pale when compared to a San Francisco World Series championship.  You see, I follow hockey and football and can even get a little loud when watching, just ask my wife. But my   passion has always been with baseball .  I so appreciate its history and can match statistical know-how with anyone I know.  I began to anticipate as the innings counted down this past Monday.  What was it going to feel like?  What emotions were going to sweep over me?  I thought about all the years of hoping and waiting and some of the great players I had enjoyed watching like Mays, Marichal and McCovey.  I remembered how each year would end in disappointment, some more painful than others like 2002 for example.  Finally, strike three comes for the final out and the Giants are World Champs.  All those years of waiting are now over and as I watched the post-game coverage with my son all I could say was it hasn't sunk in yet.  Other than a deep feeling of satisfaction, I could not put my finger on anything else as far as my feelings went.  Maybe tomorrow, I told Kenny.  Maybe after I've had more time to process this great event I'll be better able to articulate what this wonderful post season has meant to me.  Tomorrow came and went as did Wednesday and still no great awakening.  On Thursday it finally happened.  The wonderfully simple yet fantastically deep truth came to me.  It happen as I watched a fan of the Giants being interviewed after the victory parade.  She too had been a longtime devotee.  When asked what she was feeling she replied, "I feel as if a whole in my heart as been completely healed."  There it is I exclaimed, that's the feeling.  The only difference being that I felt that very same feeling over 19 years ago.  It was then, in the earliest stages of recovery(more on that another time) that I came to believe that the Power greater than myself that AA talks about was in fact Jesus Christ.  The living Son of God had reached out His hand and offered me the way out of darkness into His marvelous light.  It was at that moment that I felt the emptiness in my heart being healed.  In those 19 years hence, some of that I awe and wonder I felt then had been worn away.  The cares and struggles of day to day life had taken some of the newness away.  It wasn't until I saw that teary eyed Giants fan that the fullness and joy of my salvation came back to me.  I received God's gentle reminder that He and His work are ever present and no amount of life's defeats or baseball victories can overcome this great truth.
     I close these opening thoughts with an invitation.  To those of you who Jesus as Savior I invite you to go back to your humble beginnings and consider again what an awesome God he is.  Ask Him to help you freshen your relationship with Him and to make you fully pliable in His hands again.  To those of you who don't know Jesus as Savior I invite you to take a look over your life.  It's highs and lows, wins and losses.  Consider the times of fulfillment and times of despair.  Now honestly look inward and see if there isn't a whole in your heart that nothing seems to fill and if you feel it, won't you consider Jesus.  Seek Him out, He may well be that long hoped for something you've been waiting for.