I had my introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous on May 3rd 1991 as I sat in the detox ward of a hospital in Watertown NY. As my world was collapsing around me, I read with some interest the AA literature which was filled with hope for desperate types like me. If I could admit that I was powerless over alcohol and could come to believe in a power greater than myself, I would be able to begin my recovery.
Until recently I hadn't given much thought to the word recovery. It is the word used by AA and most every I know when describing the journey from addiction to clean and sober living. And before I go any further, I'd like to publicly thank the AA movement and those fine men and women in it who reached out caring hands to help me as I started out and who continue to try and help " the alcoholic who still suffers."
I would also like to state without reservation that the power greater than myself that I've come to believe in is Jesus Christ. It is by His power and kindness that keeps me sober on a daily basis. He does for me what I cannot do on my own.
I believe that this knowledge of divine intervention is the reason I have come to struggle with the concept of post addiction life being known as recovery. To describe my life today as one of recovery is just not accurate. I consulted Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary to check the definitions of the words in question. Recovery is defined as " to bring back to normal position or condition. " There's the problem: how can one be brought back to normal condition when you have no " normal " to go back to. You see, I was alcoholic in behavior long before I drank. Adding booze only brought out more ugliness in my character. To say I was in " recovery " just because I stopped drinking doesn't tell the real story. It certainly was wonderful to feel so much better physically, to begin to earn the trust of loved ones and to realize that I was not at the very center of the universe! This was not recovery but rather the beginning of discovery.
Discovery. Let's go back to Webster and see what its got to say about that. Discover: to obtain sight or knowledge of for the first time. This is by far a better description of living life without alcohol. I have been, from those earliest days of not drinking right up until now, obtaining knowledge of things for the very first time. Be it in the areas of personal relationships or learning how to be valuable asset to an employer, this life of discovery has been quite a ride. There certainly have been some ups and downs, but I have discovered that both the good and not so good can be learned from.
AA taught me to look for a power greater than myself to help me with my addiction. This has led to the greatest discovery of all. I have discovered that the Creator of the universe cares for me in the most wonderful way. He yearns for me to be in a loving relationship with him. He proved the depth of his love for me by sending his son, Jesus, to die in my place for my sins. He proved it again by keeping me sober today. He keeps no scorecard of my past transgressions. He only wants me to discover more and more of him.
Scripture says that God's mercies are new every morning. I discovered that again today. I can hardly wait to see what I can discover tomorrow.
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